I am Home
by Shin Sankai
Summary: Its the 4th anniversary of Kanan's death, no one knows this but Hakkai...or so he thought. A certain blonde haired monk comes to comfort him, but does he get comforted in return too? 3883


Pairing: Hakkai/Sanzo, Sanzo/Hakkai

Genre: Fluff ^_^;

Disclaimer: Same old, same old.

Authors Notes: Dah! I've yet again succumbed to a fluff/sap, OOC and PWP story. *Sighs* I am such a sucker for these two characters that I had to have Hakkai sad about Kanan…and then a certain blonde guy has to come comfort him. Yes I know everyone can complain that Sanzo doesn't like touchy/feel moments, but notice it's only about women, mainly a certain Merciful Goddess? And besides whom wouldn't want to huggle Hakkai? Oh all the "its" I kind of took the idea from Chobits, so if it's annoying…too bad! =P

Started & Finished: 26th January 2004****

I'm Home!

By: shin-no-shibo

*A village somewhere towards the west *

"Hey, you pervy water sprite that was my spring roll! Give it back!" Came a child-like voice belonging to a golden eyed demon known as Goku or…

"Ha! Stupid chimp, you just try and take it from me." Came another voice, filled with cockiness as he held the spring roll between his chopsticks and waved it around the smaller demon's head.

"Will you two knock it off!" A loud annoyed voice spoke in frustration before firing three bullets at the two arguing demons, which made them cower slightly. A blonde haired monk held the gun in his right hand, eyebrow twitching at his two immature demon companions. He himself had been trying to enjoy a nice early dinner (because for once it was actually okay food) but as usual those two always screwed it up. 

There was silence.

"Eh? Isn't Hakkai supposed to butt in by now?" Goyjo spoke turning to the other chair of where their green-eyed companion would be sitting…but he wasn't. The quieter youkai and the maturest out of the little group had slipped away unnoticed.

"I wonder what's up with Hakkai?" Goku mumbled to himself, innocent eyes turning to stare at the usual frowning Sanzo.

"It's been four years." 

"Huh?" Came the intelligent replies from Goyjo and Goku who had stopped only for a minute to watch Sanzo leave the inn's small restaurant, but then they were at each other's throats trying to decide who was going to eat the rest of Hakkai and Sanzo's forgotten meals. 

*

Sanzo proceeded upstairs to the room he shared with Hakkai. There had only been two rooms left in the inn and he had opted to share with the green-eyed youkai knowing he'd never be asked stupid questions _and_ that he'd actually be able to get some sleep. As Sanzo placed his hand on the doorknob he felt Hakkai's ki from inside the room, but…it was different…then usual.

Sanzo silently turned the knob, opened the door to notice the room was fairly dark, except the last rays of sunset were streaming through the window…where a bare chested Hakkai stood.

The blonde haired monk did nothing but watch his companion as he lifted one slim hand up to rest upon…_the_ scar. It had been four years after all, since the death of,

"Kanan…" Hakkai's voice was cracking and Sanzo did nothing but watch his companion place one hand on the window seal, hunching over slightly, but his other hand still lay against his scarred abdomen. Perhaps it was pulsing against his body, telling him he could never forget what had happened. As Sanzo watched on in silence he had never noticed he had been holding his breath until Hakkai's hand had moved away from his demon power limiters and then he let it out in a rush.

Was the ruthless stubborn monk concerned…and perhaps afraid for the green-eyed youkai currently breaking in front of him? In truth no one had seen Hakkai like this before. When Goyjo had met him, he was injured and so he took care of him, but even though Hakkai had told him why he had been out in the rain, his voice was void of any emotions. Tonight though Hakkai couldn't hold it back anymore. The usually smiling demon was falling to pieces.

"I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough to protect you." Hakkai was standing up right, eyes still starring over at the sunset. Then, his knees buckled under his now heavy weight, though he was thin and lean, as he crumpled to the floor between the wall and the bed Sanzo would have for the night. Sanzo on his part had stepped further into the room heading silently towards Hakkai and yet kept his distance…for now.

"It hurts…so much…" Came Hakkai's whispered voice. Clothing shuffled quietly through the room to bend down lightly as Sanzo crouched in front of the oblivious Hakkai who had crawled into the darkest corner of the room.

"I can never…be with you Kanan. I wanted to join you in death…so badly I did, but I…can't anymore." Sanzo's frown had grown if that were possible. He knew Hakkai had wanted to die at one point, saying all he needed was a little more time and then he, _the_ Genjo Sanzo, could do whatever he wanted with him. He had accepted the responsibilities of his actions and was not afraid of being punished.

"Have I betrayed you Kanan for not being able to join you in death? Have I betrayed you…for finding a home again? Have I?" Then the echoes of thumping began, Sanzo watching as Hakkai's eyes were closed off to him as he smacked his head and shoulders against the wall.

"I'm so stupid Kanan. I vowed never again and yet I found it again…and I'm sorry for that, but…I cannot help but feel this way about it." Before Sanzo knew what he was doing, his right hand lifted up clasping brown locks of hair and pulled Hakkai's head up, watching intently as green orbs widened seeing he was right in front of him. 

"San…zo…?" Came a whisper in the night, the last rays of the sunset casting a glow over the back of Sanzo before turning the room into darkness. But Sanzo had caught something he'd never have thought he would see from Hakkai. One single lone tear trailed down Hakkai's cheekbone to drop off his chin. His legs were upraised, hands resting on his wide spread knees as he gazed down at them. 

"I tried Sanzo. I tried to save her. I killed so many with these hands. I took lives and for that I turned into a demon…and yet as strong as I was back then, I could not save her in the end. I just ended up becoming a creature you despise."

"Shut up!" Sanzo replied gruffly. It was true, he did despise demons who took innocent lives, but Hakkai, he was different…he only wanted to save a loved one, but it was still wrong and yet…he was not Cho Gonou anymore. He was just,

"You are Cho Hakkai. No longer are you Cho Gonou do you hear me?" 

"You don't understand, he'll always be inside of me…because he is my past…and that I cannot forget. I cannot forget because of…her."

"It's been four years hasn't it?" Sanzo spoke, still in his crouching position in front of Hakkai only now his grip on the green-eyed youkai's hair was gone. Hakkai did not respond to Sanzo's blunt question, nor did he need to.

"If you still feel pity for yourself then why don't you end your life?" Though the room was dark, the moon brought in some light and wide green orbs stared into impassive purple ones.

"I cannot…" Hakkai mumbled to Sanzo

"Then get over it." Yeah, like Sanzo was one to talk. He constantly thought of his late master, of how helpless he was in not being able to save him, not being able to…protect him. Sanzo lifted his gaze to stare over at Hakkai. Perhaps they were more alike then he thought. 

"It's not…that simple Sanzo…" Hakkai's eyes widened when the blonde haired monk moved closer, kneeling in between his raised legs, but did nothing except lean slightly forward, placing his forehead just above his heavily beating heart.

"Sanzo…what?"

"Shut up! Just shut up! I once told you that if you had unfinished business to go take care of it rather than head west on this mission. All I asked of you was to make sure that revenge was the path you wanted to take."

"Sanzo…I…" Hakkai's hand twitched at his right side, his soft eyes gazing down at blonde locks just down to the left side of his face. 

"You had declined though. You had said…"

"But I want to be here." Hakkai finished for Sanzo, his hand reaching up to place it lightly on the back of Sanzo's head. He was waiting for the blonde man to tense, to back away from him, but nothing of the sort came.

"I heard everything you said Hakkai. I noticed you had said you found a place to call home. Would I be wrong in presuming that this was Goyjo?" Sanzo couldn't help but close his eyes as delicate fingers brushed through his hair. It was…nice. This was crazy though! He was _the_ Genjo Sanzo, never one to be touched and never one to show concern or any emotions and yet he could have sworn there was bitterness coming from his voice at the question he just asked. Was he…jealous that Goyjo was Hakkai's home? Was he jealous because…god forbid…that someone like him could actually find comfort in the youkai's arms and yet belittle himself for showing weakness as the green-eyed youkai would never show any concern to himself and only have eyes for his roommate of three years. 

"Yes, Goyjo's home became my home. He became a lifeline to me. He…" Hakkai never finished as he felt the body leaning over in front of him stiffen at his words. Sometimes his monk companion was so hard to read…and then others…

"In truth Sanzo, Goyjo's home where I stayed for three years will always be a home to me, but I've learned that I must move on from there because…I found it again." Hakkai spoke the last part in a whisper and couldn't help but drop his own forehead to the shoulder that had been taking up his view. Sanzo had been surprised when the hand that had been stroking his hair stopped and now rested lightly against his back.

"And what is _it_?" Sanzo mumbled, shocked at himself that he didn't want to stop this conversation no matter how deep it was delving into the green-eyed youkai's battered heart. He didn't want to stop…for he liked this comfort too much. Yes, he was now being selfish, using this to his own advantage because as much as he'd like to think he was made of stone…he wasn't. For just tonight Sanzo would let down his own walls and came to the only person, though demon, which would make him feel better.

"It is everything to me. It knows who I am and yet it allows me to stay. It has become my happiness, my will to continue on, for if I die, I will never be able to see it again and therefore I will be sad. Though Kanan is gone, my love for her will always remain, but I found that there is more room in my heart for it then there is for Kanan. I have found that I must move on from the past, though as hard as that seems, I am confident I can do so for it brings a love so deep within me that I can't help but thank it for allowing me to be by its side. I have a new feeling of completeness within me and I have to be thankful that it has saved me many times over from dying without discovering what it feels like to have a home again…one away from Goyjo this time. It listens to me, though telling me to shut up a lot of the times and yet I am still content around it. I forget my past when I am with it…well sometimes…but tonight especially I am able to forget, because this it…is right here."

"Right here…?" Sanzo repeated softly, his eyes snapping open when he felt Hakkai's other hand lift up to hold him closer, his head burying into the side of his pale neck while he nodded it affirmatively. Sanzo's eyes were wide as he took in all of Hakkai's explanation and all the "its" and finally placed everything together.

"So, I would presume I am this _it_?" Came his emotionless deep voice, though it was spoken in a whisper. All of a sudden Sanzo felt a chill around him as Hakkai had dropped his hands away from around his back and pushed him up so their eyes could lock together. Sanzo on his part did not like this. He wanted that warmth back.

"I'm sorry Sanzo…for having fallen in love with you."

"Why?" Hakkai had not been expecting a blunt one-word question like that and blinked incredulously at the man in front of him. 

"Because you are Genjo Sanzo, a higher being then others and I'm…a demon. _The_ Genjo Sanzo doesn't need anybody for he is fine on his own, but sometimes I wonder about that because I finally figured Genjo Sanzo out…just a little though."

"Oh?"

"Genjo Sanzo must love someone, therefore he is not alone." Green orbs stared sadly into purple eyes watching as they narrowed at him.

"If you even think I love that baka saru I will kill you." Sanzo felt his heart twitch at the sad smile Hakkai gave him. This sadness in his ki did not suit the beautiful green-eyed youkai in front of him. Sanzo's eyes widened at his thoughts but also because a palm rested over his heavily beating heart.

"Though you will deny it, you are Goku's guardian and you do care for him. He looks up to you with trust in his eyes for you saved him from being alone, but somewhere in there lies a deep love for someone…perhaps someone that you can no longer be with?" Sanzo slapped Hakkai's hand away. He was becoming angry now. How had this conversation turned towards him and his own secrets? He was knocked from his thoughts when soft hands cupped his face, turning it so he had to gaze into green eyes.

"Its alright Sanzo, you don't have to confess anything. I think I feel like I know you better then the other two. I am sad though, because your heart is filled with pain and I cannot take it away from you. Just remember though, I will always be here for you because…" Hakkai died off, knowing he need not say anymore for the blonde haired monk had already heard it. His hands dropped from Sanzo's face and he stood up from the dark corner, leaving the brooding monk where he sat and crawled over Sanzo's bed for the night to pick up his discarded sleeping shirt from his own bed.

Hakkai had his back to Sanzo, arms slipping into the shirt sleeves but before he could place it over his head, he gasped in surprise, eyes growing wide as a pair of arms hidden by robe sleeves wrapped around his shoulders bringing his back against a firm chest. He felt strands of blonde hair brush against his warm skin and soft lips press against his left shoulder.

"You're right…" Came a soft mumble against his shoulder. Hakkai though happy to be in an embrace with Sanzo ended up frowning at the monk's words. So, there was someone he deeply loved more then anything and could never fit another within his closed off heart.

"It was long ago, but I cannot forget him."

"Him?" Hakkai spoke in slight shock. He could have sworn lips curled upwards against his shoulder, but was unable to know since the monk currently holding him would not allow him to turn around.

"He was a Sanzo before me, my master. He had become my 'it' as he found me abandoned and took me in. He was the one to take care of me and protect me. Years ago he…died in front of me one rainy night."

"So that's why you hate the rain." Hakkai this time was able to turn around in the embrace, noticing Sanzo had turned his head away; not even realising he had moved to face him. His arms however were still around his shoulders and Hakkai dropped his sleeping shirt to the floor as he cautiously raised his hands and placed them lightly on Sanzo's narrow hips. Purple eyes darted to green noticing a genuine smile encasing Hakkai's soft lips and his eyes shone with emotion.

"I will not dare try and come between your love for your master Sanzo, but I ask that you too will try and get over your past, just like you told me to do. It will be hard for us to do, but if the _oh so great_ Genjo Sanzo wishes to crack at any point in time I'll be here to comfort him. I want Sanzo to find his home…and it doesn't even have to be me either." There was a twinkle of mischief in those green orbs, Sanzo's eyes narrowing at the "oh so great" part.

"You lie…" Green eyes widened at those two words, watching as Sanzo stepped out of the embrace, arms folding over his chest in a defiant manner.

"You want my home to be you right?" Hakkai's eyes widened slightly, before he turned them towards the floor.

"You want me to feel desire for you and love you right? You want me to call you my home and not anyone else right? You want me to show you that you can be loved even though I know what you have become, what lies beneath those power limiters' right? You want me to say that it does not matter you are a demon, you are still my home and someone worthy to be loved right?" Everytime Sanzo's bored, but slightly serious tone of voice spoke; it made Hakkai cringe and step back from the blonde mans advancing footsteps. Hakkai wrapped his arms around his bare chest, head bowed as though in shame. He had thought he had hid everything so well for so long, but in the end the monk had figured him all out. 

"Yes…" Hakkai's soft voice replied tenderly. His legs had connected with the side of his bed making him topple over and land with a soft thump on the mattress on his back; eyes still closed off to Sanzo and arms still wrapped around himself.

"Hakkai?" Green orbs opened, listening to that soft voice, a voice that just wasn't the usual Sanzo he had known for four years. They widened instantly as he noticed his monk companion leaning over him, his upper body showing off the tight black top as the robe sleeves were tied around his waist now and his hands lay on either side of his head. When had he done that? And what was with that intense look Sanzo was giving him right now?

"Sanzo…?" Hakkai never finished as smooth fingers brushed down the curve of his face, purple eyes never breaking from green.

"And I thought you were the smarter one. In the end you became completely blind and overlooked everything I did…every gaze I focused upon you .You never figured it out…what's in here…" Sanzo whispered softly, picking up one of Hakkai's hands to place it against his chest while his lips curled into a small smile. There was a flush on Hakkai's cheeks as Sanzo bent his head further down, his cheek brushing Hakkai's while he whispered softly into his right ear.

"Tadaima…"

"Sa-Sanzo…" Hakkai muttered, his spare hand just about ready to push the monk away from him to see if he truly meant it within his eyes, but Sanzo freed himself, sat him up also and walked away as he now stood near the window lighting up a cigarette. That's when Hakkai finally heard the loud footsteps coming up stairs…and then who could forget the bickering as well. Hakkai picked up his shirt, placed it on just as there was a knock at the door and the two other demons barged in without consent. Would you expect anything different from them?

"Ne Hakkai, we have to go buy some food!" Goku whined earning a smack on the head from Goyjo.

"You stupid chimp, we just ate!"

"But I'm hungry…" Goku whined and pouted while moving further into the bedroom to pull on Hakkai's shirt.

"Ne Hakkai, can we please go get some food?" Hakkai couldn't help but chuckle at the smaller demon and placed his hand on the boy's head.

"Alright…" 

"Yoroshii!" He shouted and raced out of the room.

"Is it okay Sanzo?" Hakkai questioned the quiet man near the window and only received a grunt as he flicked the card over at Hakkai who caught it easily in his hands. What did Sanzo care anyway, not like he was spending his own money. 

"HAKKAI, YOU'RE TOO SLOW!" Came a loud voice from downstairs, clearly Goku was impatient. Not like the food stalls or shops were going anywhere, but this was Goku after all.

"Yare, yare…" Hakkai muttered before picking up his monocle and heading out the room only to stop down the hallway and head back towards the room and stand in the doorway.

"Sanzo, I forgot to tell you something from what you said earlier." He spoke, Sanzo turning around to stare at him outlined in hallway lights of the inn. Hakkai stood firmly; eyes closing and tilting his head slightly to the side as he smiled brightly at the blonde man, not even caring that his best friend was in the room as well. 

"Tadaima…" Sanzo nodded his head, watching the brown haired demon walk off after voicing that and heard his mutter of 'yare, yare' again as Goku began complaining in a loud voice. When was the boy ever quiet?

"Why are you still in here?" Sanzo muttered to the redhead standing in the room, his eyes not moving an inch from the back of his head.

"So…he told you huh?" There was a slight jerk from Sanzo, but other then that he spoke of nothing. He threw the butt of his cigarette out the window. So the half-breed was smarter then he seemed.

"Sanzo, take care of him." Goyjo received a 'che' in answer and shook his head as he walked out of the room while closing the door. 

Sanzo glanced out the window, lighting another cigarette but caught sight of two familiar figures, the smaller one pulling on the hand of the taller one. The taller one sensed someone watching him and thus turned his head to look up…and found purple eyes watching his every move. A smile broke onto his lips, giving the blonde a small wave before stumbling slightly as Goku took off in a run obviously having found their first food stall and had forgotten he was dragging the green-eyed youkai with him.

Sanzo did not respond to the smile or the wave, not that he actually had time to and instead watched their retreating backs disappear into the night. He instead stared up at the night sky, bright stars twinkling down at him and blew smoke from his lips watching as it was carried off into the nightly breeze.

__

"Tadaima…" 

His lips curled slightly at Hakkai's voice saying that. No matter how hard he tried to place his frown back on his lips, he couldn't. It really did feel good to say it aloud and especially when it was being returned to him by a certain beautiful green-eyed youkai he thought too much about. Though Sanzo thought for a moment on turning away from this newfound emotion, he knew he could not do such a thing as break away from his new home. In the end, this home and this it was too precious to him and with that strong feeling encasing into his now thawing heart because of him, he decided never to let go of this _it_.

Ever…

* * * *

The end.

* * * *


End file.
